My True Essence Page 11

  “Countretto? Don’t be cussing at me in Spanish.” Vichonda stepped into Rebecca’s space.

  “Alright ladies, this is enough. We are in church, for goodness sake.” Jenessa leaned against the wall.

  “Countretto is not Spanish; it means country ghetto.” Becca laughed.

  “Don’t think you got a pass card just because you married a black man. Cause I got yo ghetto. We can leave church grounds, and it can be whatever.” Vichonda opened her arms and looked Rebecca up and down.

  “Are you really challenging me to fight like we’re in middle school?” Becca picked her purse up while she walked over to Jenessa to take her purse too. “I know you think you’re saved but you really need Jesus, and a psychologist wouldn’t hurt.”

  “Let’s go Rebecca. We need to make that stop we talked about, get Jenessa, and then I need to get home and rest.”Dani said.

  “We’re not done talking, Mrs. Thorn.” Vichonda hissed at Becca.

  “You didn’t know it, Vichonda, but this was done before you even got started.” Becca said, without looking over her shoulder as she walked down the hall toward the exit.

  ***

  Jenessa opened the front door. She stepped into the house with help from Dani and Rebecca. Exhaustion seeped from her pores as she tried to decide whether she was going take a nap or

  her vitamins.

  “Don’t talk to me like that, little girl. That is why you living back with your mother now.”Jocelyn stood in the hallway as Charles Jr. carried a duffle bag past Dominique to his room.

  “No, I left because you’re a spiteful vengeful, conniving, jealous, insecure, trifling – ” Dominique held her ground in front of her room.

  “Haven’t I told you about how you talk to adults, Nique?” Jenessa stood straight up and headed towards the kitchen. “Rebecca and Dani, please excuse my daughter she has a great case of the teen smarts. I’m not sure there is a cure. I hope she’ll just outgrow it.”

  “Hi, Ms. Danielle and Ms. Rebecca.” Dominique waved at her mother’s friends then stepped back into her room and closed the door.

  “Hello, Jocelyn, how are you?” Jenessa prayed God would help her talk to this woman without losing her temper.

  “I’m good, Jenessa. And yourself?” Jenessa patted her nonexistent baby bump.

  “The same. I did want to talk with you before you leave. I have already spoken with Dominique about how she is expected to speak to all of her elders, but I do have some concerns with the way she says you’re treating her.” Jenessa leaned on the wall as she made her way to the kitchen.

  Rebecca squeezed by her and stopped in the entrance to the kitchen. “Jenessa why don’t you tell me what you’re trying to get from the kitchen and you two go into the living room and talk. It’s closer.”

  “I need my vitamins because I forgot to take them this morning. Dani, could you help Rebecca with where they are and make me some of that awful looking juice you made me last time you were here. It tasted better than it looked, and I do feel better after I drink it.” Jenessa made her way to the chair in her living room and sat down.

  “You look like you need some rest, Jenessa. Maybe we should talk about this later. Charles is expecting me back home soon.” Jocelyn patted her hair.

  “Jocelyn, I’m surprised you noticed. Dominique told me you were upset with Charles Sr. for wanting to pray for me during family prayer. Rest assured, I always have enough energy to take care of my children.” Jenessa said.

  “If that were true they would have never moved into my house in the first place.” Jocelyn crossed her arms.

  “They didn’t move into your house. Charles owned that house before he met you so drop the attitude, please, so we can have a constructive conversation about Dominique.” Jenessa closed her eyes for a moment. “Charles was a great husband and father so you must have known that he would continue to have a healthy relationship with his children. My hope was that you would also be able to do the same.”

  “I don’t need you to tell me how good a husband I have. Maybe you should have remembered that when you were cheating on him.” Jocelyn grunted.

  Jenessa’s eyes popped open.

  Jocelyn smirked.

  “I don’t see where that has anything to do with how you’re treating my daughter, like she doesn’t have rights to a relationship with her father.” Jenessa sat up. “If I hadn’t had that affair, you would have never had a chance with a man of Charles caliber. Regardless of what I did, my daughter doesn’t deserve to be disrespected by you because you aren’t even sure why he picked you to be his wife.”

  “Oh, I know why he picked me. He decided to trade in his old used up model for something new and improved. Be sure I won’t make the same mistakes you did. I won’t let myself get caught up in a career when he can take care of me and our children. When the children come, I won’t let myself go, and look for outside attention because I don’t look good enough for him anymore.” Jocelyn pulled her keys out of her purse. “You focus on getting better and stay out of my business.”

  “As long as you’re married to Charles Sr., how you treat our children leaves you open to my being all up in your little business.” Jenessa cleared her throat. “And for the record I gained this weight way after we were divorced. If you think the reason he married you is for your looks, you don’t have a clue how good a man he is, which means he traded down, way down.”

  “I don’t have to stand here, and listen to this. I don’t need you to tell me how to parent. Your daughter moved out because all you do is work so fix your own mothering skills before you start advising me on mine.” Jocelyn pulled her purse up on her shoulder.

  “You don’t have any Jocelyn. You were never a mother to her; you have always been nothing but her father’s wife.” Jenessa walked toward the door. “There is no need for you to be combative or defensive about Charles Sr. I know I messed up my marriage, and that is my problem but I will not tolerate anyone mistreating my child because they want to pretend they married someone without a past. I’ll be sure to talk to Charles Sr. about this since we weren’t able to resolve it.”

  “Arggh, you’re impossible. You don’t need to bring him into this. Don’t try to break up my marriage, Jenessa. Just back off. That little girl, as you call her, will be gone to college soon, and Charles will be busy with our daughter.” Jocelyn rubbed her flat stomach again. “How I treat Dominique will be a nonissue then because between me and her, Charles will be wrapped around our fingers.”

  “He must have really been going through a rough spot when he met and married you. You’re not good enough for him.” Jenessa leaned on the door.

  “My relationship with him with him is none of your concern.” Jocelyn stormed out of the door. “All Charles knows is I’m a good little Christian wife who caters to his every whim, who takes care of him very well, in every way. You remember how well you had it before you tramped around on him.”

  Jenessa slammed the door in Jocelyn’s face. She took the glass of juice from Danielle and Rebecca as they entered the living room, and they helped her sit down in the chair.

  “Do you think the children heard her?” Jenessa closed her eyes and sipped the juice. “We never told them about my affair.”

  Dominique charged into the living room. “I knew you weren’t telling me something. I hate you!”

  Becca jumped in front of Dominique and held her.

  “There is more to it than you heard Dominique. I’m not proud of what happened and I hate what it did to our family, but I never meant to hurt you, Charles Jr. or your father.” Jenessa slumped back into the couch. She closed her eyes.

  “Who was it? Why did you do that? You ruined everything. I hate you.” Dominique jerked away from Becca and stomped back to her room. “I will never forgive you for this.”

  Jenessa moaned, before she slid to the floor. She crumpled and sobbed into Dani’s lap. “I know I ruined everything. That is why I try so hard to be a great Christian now. I never wante
d them to find out. I’m still ashamed it ever happened. I didn’t know it was happening until it was too late, and then I didn’t know how to get out of it. I begged Charles to forgive me but he couldn’t, so we split and that is when I became serious about my relationship with God. Oh God, how am I ever gonna fix this?”

  “I’m going to tell you what you would tell me. We need to give this to God. This is too big for any of us.” Dani rubbed Jenessa’s hair. “I think we should do it right now. This has been one helluva day.”

  “How can you say that after saying we need to pray?” Jenessa chuckled and wiped her face with a terry cloth Rebecca handed her.

  “It’s better than what I would’ve said a year ago.” Danielle laughed out loud. “God hears my prayers and answers because of who He is, not how good I am. My imperfections don’t keep me from Him, Jenessa. They are the reason I can never live without Him. So can we pray now?”

  Fresh tears rolled down Jenessa’s face as she nodded yes, and joined hands with Dani and Rebecca.

  Chapter Twenty

  Jenessa grabbed her head. Tears slipped from the corners of her eyes as she squinted through her right eye. Ringing in the ears was a new side effect. The ringing stopped. Her smartphone rang and vibrated on the nightstand next to her bed. She grabbed it before it buzzed onto the ground.

  “Hello”. The frog in her throat croaked for her.

  “I need you to bring the kids to the hospital as soon as possible. I don’t think she is going to make it.” Charles Sr. sounded hoarse.

  The fog of sleep cleared. Jenessa sat up in bed as fast as her aching body allowed.

  “We’re on the fifth floor.” Charles Sr. said. “How soon can you get here, Nessa?”

  “I’ll get Charles Jr. there as soon as possible.” Jenessa eased her legs out of the bed.

  “Bring Dominique too.” Charles Sr. hung up the phone.

  Jenessa stood and moved toward the door using the wall for support. Her body required a full night’s sleep for her to be productive during the work day. A call in to the office would be made on her way to the hospital. She knocked and opened Dominique’s door.

  “Dominique, get up and get dressed something is wrong with Jocelyn. We have to get to the hospital.” Jenessa said.

  “Why?” Dominique sprung up out of bed.

  Jenessa prayed for her daughter’s health for a brief moment. She couldn’t imagine Dominique moving slow and in pain from the treatment for breast cancer. “I don’t know. Get dressed.”

  Dominique smacked her lips and rolled her eyes. Her mouth clamped shut as quick as it opened when Jenessa gave her a look hard enough to turn Medusa’s head to stone.

  Jenessa walked the few feet down the hall before she raised her hand to knock but it opened.

  “What’s going on?” Charles Jr. yawned and rubbed his eyes.

  Jenessa covered her nose and wondered if the little hair left on her face was burned off by her son’s morning breath.“We need to get to the hospital. Something is wrong with Jocelyn. Brush your teeth and get dressed.”

  Charles Jr. shrugged and turned around. Jenessa walked back to her bedroom where she pulled a sweat suit out of the closet. She lifted a prayer up on behalf of Charles Sr., Jocelyn and their unborn child.

  “Mom, do you need help?” Dominique came into her room without knocking.

  “I would say no, but I’d be lying.” A tear trickled down her cheek.

  “Are you crying for her?” Dominique said. She helped her mother get the sweatshirt on over her head and shoulders. “Do you feel bad about the fight?”

  “No, I just hope everything is okay. The last time I heard your father sound the way he did on the phone today was when his uncle passed. It was like he knew before it happened.” Jenessa closed her eyes and began praying to herself again.

  “Are you praying for her?” Dominique handed the sweat pants to her mother and walked to the closet. She pulled out a pair of almost flawless walking shoes.

  “I’m trying.” Jenessa gave another hard look to Dominique.

  “She doesn’t even like you. When Dad prayed for you, she got upset.” Dominique said.

  “That was her choice, and this is mine. Praying for her is the right thing to do, Nique. I’m not mad at her. When I’m bent over the toilet, dry heaving , I’m hoping someone is praying for me.” Jenessa stood up and pulled her pants over her hips. She slid on plastic shoes with a loop across the back.

  Charles Jr. popped his head into the door. “Can I get something to eat before we go?”

  “Get something at the hospital. We need to leave right now.” Jenessa said.

  The ride to the hospital was quiet. Dominique looked out of the window and played games on her cell phone. Charles Jr. listened to his mp3 player in the back seat. Jenessa prayed and hoped Charles Sr. would be okay and Jocelyn too. She wondered what happened that landed Jocelyn into the hospital. They parked the car and filed into the hospital with Charles Jr. leading them and Jenessa leaning on Dominique for support.

  Dominique pressed the up elevator button. After several moments the doors slid open. They climbed into the elevator. Jenessa pressed the number five and exhaled. Her stomach jumbled around her dinner as the small box whirred and glided up. She swallowed and prayed that she would not throw up on the elevator. Dominique and Charles Jr. had been spared from the bulk of her midnight episodes by being at their father’s during her intense treatment cycles. Please God. Not here, not now. She closed her eyes while she pleaded with God to let her make it to the bathroom.

  The doors to the elevator slid open so Jenessa took a shaky step off. Dominique struggled under her mother’s weight and Charles Jr. stepped to the other side of Jenessa just in time help her find her balance.

  “Mom, are you alright?”Charles Jr. eyes were pasted on his mother.

  “I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I need to go to the bathroom, CJ go find your father.” Jenessa turned toward a door with the icon of a woman on it. “Dominique, wait here for me ok.”

  Charles Jr. and Dominique exchanged a look. Jenessa only called them by their childhood nicknames when something bad was about to happen.

  Dominique looked at Charles Jr. before looking back to her mother. “Ok.”

  With a nod from Dominique, Charles Jr. half walked, half sprinted to the nurses’ station. A short woman, with a spiky short blond hair cut, pointed towards the hallway to the left of the elevator.

  Dominique leaned on the wall next to the door. Jenessa walked into the bathroom. Tired from holding in the contents of her stomach, Jenessa made her way to the toilet, and lifted the lid. The contents of her dinner mixed with some of her lunch were emptied into the bowl. She prayed again, asked God to calm the queasiness trying to take over her body again. With one hand on her stomach, and one raised to the sky, she petitioned God to stop tonight’s episode before it began. Jenessa leaned against the wall. If she were home she’d be hugging the toilet by this point. Her eyes closed, and for a moment, Jenessa fell asleep against the wall. A light tap on the door pulled her from exhaustion’s edge.

  “Mom, are you okay? You’ve been in there a while, but I don’t hear anything.” Dominique’s voice floated under the door.

  “I’m fine, honey. Let me clean myself up. I’ll be there in a moment.” Jenessa said. With her foot she snapped the lid down on the toilet, and flushed the toilet. As the water ran down the pipes she dampened a paper towel to pat her face. She cupped her hands under the faucet, lowering her mouth to the sink. When the taste of the tap water lingered more than her revisited meals, she stood up.

  As Jenessa opened the door, Dominique fell into the bathroom.

  “You alright?” Dominique said.

  “Yes.” Jenessa attempted a smile. “Where is your brother and your father?”

  “Daddy and Charles Jr. are down this hall.” Dominique pointed up the hall. They found the Charles’ in the family waiting area outside of Jocelyn’s room.

 
; “How is she?” Jenessa said.

  Charles Sr. looked up and shook his head.

  Dominique looked into the room and saw a nurse and doctor talking to Jocelyn as she writhed in pain, shaking her head back and forth.

  “She doesn’t want to let them operate. If she were unconscious, I could override her decision. I could tell them what to do, what they need to do to save her, but she is stubborn as hell, and very awake.”Charles Sr. shook his head. “Ectopic pregnancy with another baby. The doctors have assured her they won’t hurt the baby in the womb, but they believe she has some serious internal bleeding . They need to operate.”

  “What do you mean operate? You mean take the other baby?” Jenessa leaned made her way to the chair across from Charles and sat down.

  “It’s the other baby or she could die. Jocelyn is refusing the treatment and wants to call the intercessors from the church to pray so God can save her and the other baby. This is ridiculous. I know nothing is impossible for God, but this is crazy. Her pain is getting worse, and the doctor says she expects her to pass out soon because she is refusing anything to help with it. Now she wants them to bring her papers that say they won’t operate if she loses consciousness.” Tears slid down Charles Jr. cheeks. “If she does not have that surgery, Nessa, she is going to die.”

  “Have you called the intercessors, Charles? Do you want me to go in and pray for her until they get here?” Jenessa said.

  The doctors left the room. A young woman in her late thirties walked over to them and shook her head. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Armstrong. Mrs. Armstrong has signed the papers. If she loses consciousness or anything happens that prevents her from speaking on her own behalf, she does not want us to operate.”

  Charles Sr. nodded and dropped his head into his chest. “Can I go in and see her with my children?”

  “Yes.” The doctor patted his hand and walked away.

  “C’mon, kids, go see Jocelyn.” Charles Sr. motioned for Charles Jr. and Dominique to go into the room with him.

  Jenessa clasped her hands together, closed her eyes and prayed.

  Charles Sr. appeared in the door of the room several moments later when Jocelyn screamed and doubled over, almost falling from the hospital bed. Dominique and Charles Jr. helped her back into the bed. Two doctors, walking at a clipped pace, ushered the children out of the room along with Charles Sr. out of the room. When the children came in, they sat next to Jenessa. Each of them clutched onto their mother, as if Jocelyn’s life depended on it. The door to the room closed as Charles Sr. paced back and forth in the small area.