My True Essence Read online

  “I can’t take this. I’m walking to the nurse’s station. Jenessa, you look a little pale. I’m going to bring you some juice.” Charles Sr. said more to himself than Jenessa.

  “CJ, go with your father.” Jenessa whispered into her son’s ear.

  He looked into her eyes, before looking at Dominique.

  Dominique closed her eyes, nodded her head, and then signaled with her eyes that she wanted him to join their father.

  Charles Jr. stood up and fell into step next to his father who was walking down the hallway.

  A doctor came out of the room. Jenessa looked into the face of the young woman. It was the same woman who told them of the paperwork barring surgery that Jocelyn signed earlier. Jenessa looked at the top of her daughter’s head, resting in her lap. She understood the strength of a mother’s love for her child. Crazy as it all seemed, Jenessa could respect the prolife stand Jocelyn was taking, but wondered if choosing to die with all of her children, instead of living her life with one, was truly the will of God. Both a sense of dread and an urgent desire to call on God came over Jenessa. She wanted God to help Charles through the grief of losing a wife. With a strong spirited, exhausted body, she leaned back in the chair, stroked her daughter’s hair, and asked God to empower her to help her husband –ex husband work through the process of grieving his wife.

  Chapter Twenty One

  Rebecca looked at the phone she held in her hand and wondered if there was a possibility she would wake up from the nightmare planning the fashion show had become. Two major designers pulled out of the show. With no proof or evidence, her gut told her it was still Vichonda behind every wrong turn the event had taken. Ever since the meeting with Sister Greene, too many coincidences had happened. Way too many people had come to her with excuses, reasons and reneges for volunteering with the event. The clock on the wall in the churches ministry meeting room ticked in the background.

  Becca jumped up out of her seat when she saw an email from Toney’s fiancée in Atlanta come up on her screen.

  “What is going on with you crazy woman?” Dani walked into the room and sat down across from Rebecca in the deep blue cushioned chair.

  “I’m glad you’re sitting down. I just received confirmation that Freedomz Truth and Lyrical Love from Georgia have agreed to perform at the fashion show for which I’m now without any designs or clothes. I have to call Sister Greene. The skating rink has agreed to let us use the venue except now we have no clothes!” Becca threw her hands up in the air.

  “Okay, you have to decide which news you’re going to respond to right now. Are you angry about the fashion show you didn’t want to do in the first place going down the drain, or are we gonna put together a banging report on why we need to flip this into a roller skating event like you wanted to do in the first place?” Dani pulled a mini laptop out of her oversized designer bag. “Instead of a calling it a derby why don’t we call it a skate team exhibition? You know now that I think about it watching those people who do the routines going around the rink jumping and stuff is cool. That would be hot!”

  “Let me shift my focus for a moment, and I’ll let you know. How is Jenessa doing? She sounded so tired when she called and told me what happened with Charles’s wife. I hope she will be alright.” Becca shook her head.

  “She checked in with the support group online today. She has taken the week off from work and will be missing her second treatment this week, but I believe she is fine. Charles Sr. is taking it really well, too well from what she said. Too well for it to be healthy which is why she took off from work to help with the home going service for Jocelyn. That is the weirdest divorced couple I have ever seen in my life.” Dani pressed the power on her computer.

  “What online support group is this?” Becca tapped her pen on the table.

  “The one for triple negative breast cancer patients. Decided to use the internet for something positive regarding my cancer, after I finally scheduled my surgery.” Dane shrugged her shoulders.

  Becca stood up and rushed to Danielle’s side. She kneeled down and hugged her. “Why didn’t you tell me you changed your mind? I thought the natural treatment was working. You’re so much more energetic, and able to function than Jenessa, I assumed you were fine.”

  Dani laughed with a snort. “I wish. The cancer slowed down, but it is still progressing so I’m having the surgery. I know God can heal me with one touch, Becca, but I also know he allowed medical advances to help heal His children. It’s not about me telling him what I want; it’s about trusting Him to do things the way He wants me to do them. When I stopped being stubborn and prayed, peace with the surgery covered me like a blanket.”

  Becca squeezed Dani’s shoulders, while tears sprang from both of their eyes.

  “It will mean I can’t or shouldn’t get pregnant to try to prevent the cancer from returning once they cut it out. Now I will be a flat butt, boy chested, African American woman. At least I’ll be here, right? I can always adopt. What Jenessa told me about watching Jocelyn choose to die…it did something to me. There may be a man out there who can accept me and love my shapely legs and quirky hair habits. But if I’m dead, Becca, ain’t nobody in their right mind gonna marry me. I don’t want to know the man that will want me dead…that is just nasty.” Dani laughed her normal, melodic rumble, and smiled.

  Becca took Dani’s face into her hands and stared into her best friend’s eyes. “You are so much more than any of those things, Danielle. Your appearance may be what a man is initially attracted to but that can’t keep a man in relationship with Christ around. You’ve got a beautiful heart, sweet demeanor, and a giving spirit. It’s the very essence of you; a man won’t be able to imagine life without, when he asks you to marry him, Danielle, not your cup or jean size.”

  “Listen to you, giving all of that good advice, and refusing to live it. Give me marriage advice when you move back in with that fine brotha chicks are sabotaging our event over, even though he didn’t even want them. Let’s go ahead, and get this proposal to do a roller skate event instead of a fashion show over to Sister Greene.” Dani caught Rebecca’s arm as she stood up, and tried to walk back to her seat across the table. “I’ll ask God to help me learn how to live what you said, if you will.”

  Chapter Twenty Two

  Sister Greene walked into the skating rink, smiling. Pink ribbon balloons donated by a local business and top level sponsor were tied to the rails, next to the ticket window. Pink ribbons with silver safety pins were in dishes next to the ticket window. She picked one up, before she pinned it on her lapel, right next to her ceramic pink and white pin with raise awareness written in fuchsia.

  “God works in mysterious ways, ladies.” Sister Greene smiled at Dani, Becca and Jenessa.

  “He does, doesn’t He?” Becca smiled back at Sister Greene.

  People filed into the derby arena and streamed past them into the stands. The crowd roared and shouted when a picture of Freedomz Truth and Lyrical Love flashed on the screen and snippets from their songs played on the jumbo screen.

  “I’m so thankful for Toni calling in favors with some of her fiance’s friends. There are a few special guests as well who are going to do some special performances.”Becca beamed.

  Logos for the different roller skating teams came up and family and friends for each team cheered. Jenessa and Dani tapped Becca on the shoulder and pointed towards the locker room. Becca nodded up and down. Sister Greene shook her head and chuckled.

  “One thing I don’t understand, Rebecca, is how you were able to get all of these people to support the event in such short notice. I see quite a few people from the church but way more than I expected. What did you do?” Sister Greene said.

  “Sent an email to the people I know and asked the owner to do a lot of heavy advertising. I also called in a few favors with several of my skating buddies. I’m a regular at the rink up the street from the church.” Becca held her skates up in her hands.

 
; “You’re so tiny I can’t imagine you getting out there and crashing into the other women for fun. You’re just so …you know…girly.” Sister Greene cleared her throat.

  “No I do synchronized skating and regular skating on family and gospel night. It’s really fun. Speaking of which I need to go get my outfit that I had made for today! I want to say thank you again for everything. This really means a lot to me.” Becca looked toward the door.

  “Your husband and friends deserve a big thank you as well. They assured me you’d do a great job and I’m glad I listened.” Sister Greene took Becca’s hand and patted it. “Where is Colby?”

  “I’m really not sure, we have a big project going right now at work but he said he would make it a priority to be here. Thank you for letting me dedicate the event to my aunt’s memory. She meant the world to me.” Rebecca said.

  “My pleasure, now go get dressed. I wanna see this custom skate outfit.” Sister Green chuckled and released Rebecca’s hand.

  Rebecca sprinted to the locker room. Jenessa and Dani hugged her when she walked to the locker where she stored her bag. Her pale pink wide leg athletic pants with a large fuchsia breast cancer awareness ribbon spray painted onto the leg, lay on the bench. Next to it sat a white t shirt with a rhinestone roller skate with a breast cancer ribbon on the boot of the skate.

  “You know I can’t believe you even know where to get skating outfits made. I didn’t even know they still spray painted clothes anymore. What do you think Colby will say when he sees it?” Dani said as she took Rebecca’s shirt from her.

  “I haven’t seen him yet. He can’t skate so he’ll probably think it’s hilarious. Wait til you see how I blinged out the skates I bought for today! Rebecca peeled her jeans off and pulled on the yoga pants. Danielle handed her folded shirt and jeans to her. With a smile wide as a mile Becca pulled a pair of white skates with pink wheels and rhinestone hot pink ribbons on the ankle outside of each skate. Once her skates were secured Rebecca stood up and rolled over to the mirror. She pulled her hair into a ponytail on her head and donned a headband with breast cancer ribbons all over it.

  “There are no words for how cute and very skating rink you look right now. Retro skating rink but skating rink nonetheless! Love it.” Jenessa walked to the mirror and patted her hair. “How do I look? This thing feels weird. I feel overdressed.”

  “You look great and very natural. No one will know it’s not yours unless you tell them. I’m sure Dani secured it very well.” Rebecca gave Jenessa a quick squeeze.

  “Well, there is a well packed house, with all of the acts here and the two surprise guests. Let’s go make church history. I don’t think we’ve ever done anything quite like this before.” Jenessa smiled and led the women out of the locker room. She and Dani walked to the stage area where a chair waited for them to rest.

  Rebecca grabbed a microphone and rolled onto the rink. The stands were filled between sixty and seventy percent capacity. The instrumental version to Freedomz Truth’s most popular cut, Diamond Butterfly, floated from the speakers as Rebecca and did a few tricks, turns then skated backwards ending with a front wheelie stop once she reached the middle of the rink. People in the stands went wild.

  “Welcome to the Rolling Awareness Warrior’s Breast Cancer Fundraiser. I want to thank you for your desire to raise awareness for early detection and your support for women when they are diagnosed or healing from breast cancer. There are lots of organizations raising money to find a cure and that’s great! We want to help the people impacted, affected and fighting the disease right now. So we want to get this party started. Give it up for our DJ…BAM. He is in college in Louisiana and drove all weekend to donate his services. Give it up for him, everyone!” Becca air clapped with the microphone. “I want you to meet two very special women in my life. This event is being dedicated to my Teva, who passed away from breast cancer earlier this year, and these two women who helped me bring this together. I could not have done this without them or my wonderful husband. Please welcome my coemcee’s Jenessa Armstrong, and Danielle Wardeen.”

  Dani and Jenessa walked out to the end of the stage, waving.

  “Please stand to your feet and welcome our first team as they skate to the live rendition of our special surprise guest, Darlene McCoy, singing her new single that declares life instead of death!” Rebecca air clapped as she glided to the closest exit from the rink.

  Darlene McCoy walked from behind the curtains and waved as the music began to play. The people in the stands clapped. Moments later five women dressed in dark pink with matching black shirts with the awareness ribbon incorporated in the word believe rolled onto the rink. Each woman performed a spin before freezing in the same pose. For the remainder of the song the women performed tricks, turns, coordinated dance moves and the crowd oohed and ahhed for each one.

  The lights lowered in the rink after the last skater along with Darlene McCoy left the field of vision of the crowd. The jumbo screen flashed on and a slide show with the statistics about breast cancer with the final part of the presentation highlighting the words what does breast cancer look like? Pictures of women from all walks of life and different cultures flashed on the screen. The last picture contained a live shot of Dani and Jenessa behind the curtain.

  “As a single woman still believing I’ll meet my Prince Charming, choose love and live happily with God I rejected my prognosis, and fought having a full mastectomy. Having the most deadly, resistant and aggressive form of breast cancer, the reality that my dreams of nursing a baby were dead, seemed like the death sentence that undetected cancer can become.” Dani teared up and her breath caught in her throat. “I’ve accepted my diagnosis and am planning on going forward with the treatment doctors have told me will give me the best chance of being able to choose a new dream.”

  “I have lost a mother and aunt to breast cancer. My daughter had to force me to slow down and trick me to hear the words I feared all of my life. I’m fighting now, not only for me, but for her, because I want so very much to see our life, and love continue to grow.” Jenessa placed an arm around Dani’s waist and squeezed her.

  “Welcome now psalmist and songwriter, BJ Hardy Johnson.” Dani said. The screen went black and the lights on the stage came up with BJ standing in the center holding a microphone.

  The track began and BJ encouraged the crowd to clap along with her while a new team in light pink leggings with white t-shirts, a butterfly and pink ribbon in the midst rolled onto the rink. Becca smiled and thanked God for helping it all come together to His glory. The song ended and the team left the rink.

  Pictures of women with the year of birth and death flashed on the screen. The last picture was a picture of Rebecca’s aunt. A picture of her mother and her aunt and then a picture of her mother on the stage appeared on the screen. Becca skated toward the stage as a gentleman helped her mother from the stage. Rebecca stepped up onto the platform and hugged her mother tight.

  “Mommy, what…when did you get here?” Becca said.

  “When the clothes show canceled, Colby called me and asked me to come. I landed last night. It was supposed to be a surprise.” Her mother hugged her neck. “I can only stay a few weeks so don’t get excited and since my son in law looked miserable, I know you’re not giving me my nieto yet so consider me being here, a favor to him. I’m not happy right now with you.”

  Rebecca tried to pull away from her mother, who allowed her to stand up and roll back. “He isn’t so perfect mami, why would he bring you, and he isn’t here? You can’t tell me that can you?”

  “That is fine, mija, but we are not done talking. I love Colby and God sent him for you. I will not sit by in quiet for you to mess up.” Her mother stepped back and blew a kiss.

  Chapter Twenty Three

  Dani took in a deep breath and sighed. Everything that she could think of had been taken care of except for telling everyone she had to leave. The staff fidgeted and giggles erupted from a station across from Dani. �
��I have put it off as long as I can but the time has come for me to tell everyone—I”

  “You can’t close the shop, Dani, I need my job. I have three children.” Chandra popped her gum, crossed her arms and shook her head.

  “All these women coming in, and out of this place, and we can’t stay open. Something wrong with the books then, or you need to sell your bike or your car, or something because I’m not moving to another shop. My clients love this location, and all your fancy amenities. We’ll buy you out before these doors close.” Lynese, her least favorite nail technician said.

  “As I was saying, I have breast cancer and I’ll be going in for my mastectomy next week. Chandra will be in charge as the manager, and she’ll be reporting to me daily until I’m cleared to come back. I’ve listed who is to take my clients while I’m unable to do hair. To be honest, I don’t know when I’ll be returning, but no matter what happens, the den will be open. But nice to know who’ll try to force me out, should the time arise. I’ll keep that information in mind, Lynese, thanks.”Dani leaned against her station.

  Lynese gasped.

  “In addition to this, one of the things, I’ll be researching while I’m recuperating is reducing the amount of chemical exposure to as little as legally possible. I don’t have a history of breast cancer in my family ,and I don’t know that doing hair prompted it, but this is just another reason for me to transition the den to as green as possible.” Dani shook her head and motioned for another stylist to put her hands down. “This is not up for discussion.”

  “Well, at least we’re not closing. I know we don’t talk about God a lot, but our fearless leader is about to lose her tatas. I think we need to join hands, and pray.” Chandra stood up and extended her hands toward the other employees.