My True Essence Page 13

  Dani sighed and looked up towards heaven as her shoulders relaxed. Now the only thing left to do was let them cut off her boobs. Thoughts of her anticipated loss sparked her desire to do something for women like herself. Her heart was torn between a need to find a cure, and the desire to minister to women who would be in her bra one day or soon to be lack thereof. She could pray about that, and let God lead her to what He wanted her to do after this was all over. Good grief, she was going to miss her cleavage. Rebecca meant well with her pep talks, but how could a woman who’d had two husbands understand the plight of somebody yet to snag one? Who in their right mind would marry a woman without her own breasts? Considering all the complications, and her desire to live more green, more natural, Danielle already knew she wouldn’t elect to have implants. A slow stream of tears trickled down her cheeks. Would any man choose to marry a woman with scarred tissue where breasts used to be and there was nothing there at all?

  Chapter Twenty Four

  Becca hung up the phone with her mother. The ride to the hotel and dinner they shared after the skating exhibition sat on top of her stomach. Instead of turning onto the street for her apartment, she drove her car toward her home with Colby. Her favorite song by Freedomz Truth played as she contemplated what she would say to let Colby know how much he hurt her by missing the event. Confusion coursed through her. How could he love her enough to send for her mother and yet miss the event? It didn’t make sense.

  The door to the garage sat open so Becca pulled into her spot. Her car locked behind her as she entered the kitchen with a sigh. She had no idea how to begin. Footsteps thundered down the stairs while Colby emerged wearing a towel and carrying a bat. Rebecca smiled as she took his well toned chest, shoulders and arms in. Her anger dissipated as he sat the bat down.

  “My bad, baby, I thought you were a burglar. I realized I left the garage door open after I stepped out of the shower. I heard you moving around down here, and couldn’t find my piece.” Colby pulled her into his arms, and kissed her on the cheek.

  Rebecca stepped out of his arms. She leaned against the island, and crossed her arms.

  “What is the problem now? The event is over. Your mother is here. Lose the attitude.” Colby leaned onto a stool next to the breakfast bar.

  “Yeah everything was perfect no wait…except that my husband wasn’t there and didn’t have the decency to call.” Becca said.

  “You know we’re in the middle of a huge campaign with one of your friends’ companies. I don’t have a stash of cash somewhere to fall back on. I have to work, Becca. Maybe if I were born into a privileged family, I would be able to drop everything to play the doting husband instead of making sure I replace the money I used to fly your mother here. ” Colby said.

  “That is not fair Colby, and you know it. I don’t expect you to give me the financial support Antony did. Don’t bring him up anymore. This is between you and me.” Becca yelled.

  “If that were true, you would stop confusing my attempts at loving you with me trying to control you like he did.” Colby massaged his temples and paced the floor.

  “What else am I supposed to think? My mother says my aunt is dying, and you tell me I can’t go home. That woman raised me like her own when my mother had to work late, and my aunt kept strange hours just because she did.” Becca opened the refrigerator and pulled out a bottle of cranberry juice.

  “Thank you for going grocery shopping before the event, I was living off of hot dogs and Chinese food.” Colby walked up behind her and pulled her hair up to kiss her neck.

  Rebecca groaned, and held the bottle in her hands.

  “I miss you, darling. Let’s not fight, I want you, when are you coming home.” Colby nibbled on the inside of Rebecca’s neck, and turned her around to kiss her on the lips.

  “Please don’t do this. I miss you too, but we need to talk about what happened Satur—mmmm.” Rebecca placed the bottle on the counter, and wrapped her arms around Colby’s neck.

  “When are you coming home, Rebecca?” Colby looked her in the eyes.

  “As soon as you agree to go talk to someone with me,” Rebecca followed Colby’s eyes as he looked around the kitchen. “I want us to work too, Colby. I think we need some help.”

  “If I agree to that you’ll cancel your lease and move back home.” Colby said.

  Becca sighed and dropped her head into his chest.

  “Answer me, or I’ll refuse this blackmail deal you’re giving me.” Colby tightened his arms around her waist.

  “Yes. I’ll do it tomorrow.” Becca smiled and kissed him on the lips.

  “Then I guess you better go.” Colby dropped his hands to his side.

  “Oh no you don’t. That is not right.” Becca rubbed her hands up, and down his chest while he reached for his towel.

  Colby backed up out of reach, putting the table between them.

  “What kind of games are you playing? Get me all worked up. Then tell me to go back to the apartment alone?” Becca flipped her hair over her shoulder.

  “I’m playing for our marriage to keep, and I’m playing to win.” Colby laughed. “Go ahead and let yourself out.

  Becca threw a dish towel at Colby as he sprinted past her to the stairs. A gasp escaped her lips as he dropped his towel on the way. She picked up both, dropped them back on the floor and laughed. They would be waiting for him to pick up, and put in the laundry room.

  ***

  “Honey, I’m home.” Becca bellowed.

  A groan rose up from the couch.

  “Do you want me to bring you anything?” Rebecca placed a bag of groceries on the dining room table.

  “No,” Dani sat up on the couch with a sigh. “Yes, I need some pain meds. I just hate the way they make my brain feel like cotton.”

  “You just had major surgery so of course you’re hurting. I’d be so zooted right now, I wouldn’t know your name.” Becca pulled a bottle of orange juice from the fridge. She poured a glass of orange juice, and pulled a bottle of pills from the medicine cabinet.

  “Wow, you mean you’re not on something right now?” Dani winced when she tried to laugh.

  “That is what happens when you laugh at the hand that medicates you.” Becca handed the glass to Dani and opened the bottle and poured two pills into Dani’s empty hand.

  “What are you doing here? I know you moved back in with Colby, there is no way you’re making things right playing nurse over here all of the time.” Dani took a sip of juice and then quickly placed the pills in her mouth.

  “Then who would take care of you?”

  “I have other friends, and a salon full of employees who can pitch in. Don’t use me as a scapegoat.” Dani rolled her eyes and handed the glass back to Rebecca. “Have you asked God to help you live that gooey bill of goods you tried to sell me?”

  “No, I can’t say that I have. But it doesn’t make it less true. You’re a beautiful woman, Dani, and you will be good as new after this is all over. How can you compare our issues? Unless he is blind and stupid, any man would be blessed to have you in his life.” Becca kneeled next to the couch.

  “Which explains why the last time I had a real date, the gumby was in style.” Dani rolled her eyes again. “Spare me. My life is quite full even without a man in it. I have resolved to be happy no matter what the future holds because despite the insurance paying for it, I’m not sure I’m getting implants. Those things could leak, explode, or even deflate then I’ll be a total freak.”

  “You are beautiful, Dani, and no matter what you decide, God has someone just for you out there. It just wasn’t time yet for you to meet him until after all this happened.” Becca stood up. “You’re right so I’m going to go home now. I’m not making things better by running from things. Who do you want me to call?”

  “I’ll be fine until Chandra comes to check on me this evening. Those pills you just gave me will have me knocked out in no time.” Dani settled back down into the couch and turned on the televi
sion. “Love you, Becca.”

  “Sure, you do. That’s why you’re kicking me out.” Becca put the orange juice back into the refrigerator and medicine back into the cabinet.

  “And proud of it.” Dani said. “I’d wave but I’m not allowed to raise my arms that high yet.”

  ***

  Jenessa felt someone standing over. Her left eye opened, and she groaned inwardly. This conversation would not be pleasant.

  “We need to talk.” Charles Sr. sat a folding chair next to her bed.

  “How are you holding up?” Jenessa lifted her head and inched up a bit.

  Charles Sr. placed gentle hands under her arms, and hoisted Jenessa into an upright position. How did he know just how to touch her without causing pain, after all these years?

  “Better than I should be, Nessa. I’m concerned about you though. Don’t you think you’ve been over doing it seeing how you’re in middle of chemo therapy?” Charles Sr. sat back down.

  “This treatment cycle has not been as intense as the last one or the next one to come.” Jenessa felt sweat forming across her brow. Why did he even care? Didn’t his wife just die? “Why aren’t you doing worse?”

  “Jocelyn and I haven’t been happy for a long time. The baby was not planned. In fact, we were actually discussing getting the marriage dissolved a few months before she announced she was pregnant.” Charles cleared his throat. “She was upset, with valid reason, to believe I wasn’t completely over you. Your ambition shouldn’t have intimidated me, Nessa. The very thing I love about you scared the hell outa me. It was wrong for me to try to change you. ”

  “You all have been married for two years, and we were divorced for five years before that. What would make her think that?” Jenessa couldn’t make her heart slow down.

  “Jenessa, we were intimate a month before I met her. How could you think I was over you?” Charles Sr. sighed. “You have no idea how much the last eight years hurt. To see you dating other men, and miss you for the most important moments in our lives. Then you get sick. When I wanted to cuss her out for not wanting to pray for you, I knew our marriage should not have happened.”

  “I never stopped loving you Charles. There is no excuse for what I did, and I honestly don’t know why or how I allowed myself to be caught up with that boy, but I did. I hoped you would forgive me. I still wish you would do it now. Maybe then we can both move on with our lives.” Jenessa felt tears stream down her face.

  “God never told me to divorce you, Jenessa but the pain... The cut was so deep. My mind couldn’t fathom the kind of forgiveness it would take for us to stay together.” Charles Sr. shook his head. “Jocelyn was everything I thought I wanted, but she was never enough. I had the divorce papers drawn up, and I was going to give them to her the day she told me she was pregnant.”

  “That explains why she became so hostile. It doesn’t excuse it, but I can understand why she was trying to hold on to you so tight. You’re a good man, Charles.” Jenessa placed her hand on top of his. “I really am sorry for hurting you, and destroying our family. I hope now that we understand how much we meant to each other, we can at least go back to being friends. You are, and have always been my best friend.”

  Charles Sr. lifted her hands to his lips. “We need to talk about this with the children. They need to know the truth, especially Nique. She is very angry with both of us.”

  Jenessa shook her head so hard it began to hurt. She grabbed her head.

  “We need to talk to them Jenessa. They love us. This will help us all move on. Dominique has always known something wasn’t right. It is important we don’t let this secrecy eat away at the family anymore.”

  “Oh, God” Jenessa shook with fear. “She already hates me Charles. What if she never speaks to me again.”

  “She could forgive you, we could all heal, and move on. We need to talk to them.”

  Jenessa’s head fell back onto the headboard.

  “Do you trust me?” Charles squeezed Jenessa’s hand.

  Jenessa nodded, opened her eyes and looked at the ceiling. “Can we pray first? I’m going to need God, Jesus, the Holy Ghost and a whole host of angels for this conversation.”

  “You have all of them, and me too. Let’s pray.” Charles took Jenessa’s other hand.

  Jenessa closed her eyes again as the tears streamed heavier than before.

  Chapter Twenty Five

  The doorbell rang. Rebecca opened the door. Sister Greene stepped in carrying two pink vases filled with fresh flowers. A cough from the living room interrupted the greeting prepared to cross Becca’s lips.

  “Jenessa where do you want me to place the flowers Sister Greene brought for you?” Rebecca said.

  “The kitchen counter is fine.” Jenessa said from the loveseat in her living room. “Dani, do you want to see yours or can she place it in there too?”

  “Counter is fine for me.” Dani smiled.

  “I’ll take those, Sister Greene. Go ahead and find a seat in the living room.” Becca accepted the gifts and walked into the kitchen.

  “So, ladies, how are you feeling?” Sister Greene sat down in the armchair.

  “I’ve been better and I hope I don’t see worse with my next round of chemo.”Jenessa attempted a smile.

  “I’m good.” Dani said.

  Becca carried a tray of glasses into the living room. She placed a glass and prescription bottles on the coffee table in front of Dani and Jenessa. A third glass was placed in front of her seat across from Dani and Jenessa. The final glass she offered to Sister Greene.

  “Thank you, Rebecca.” Sister Greene sat the glass on the table.

  Becca smiled.

  “I have to tell you there has been nothing but praise and excitement about the event. I heard from Pastor, and he was ecstatic. Next year we are going to be in a transitional season, doing an awareness campaign without a fundraiser, but I’d love to have another skating event the year after that.” Sister Greene sipped some of her juice.

  “Wow!” Becca did an odd imitation of the happy dance in her seat.

  “Now, Rebecca I know you’ve been doing a lot , and you are welcome to volunteer as a consultant, but I believe that you should take a little sabbatical from event director duties, and allow Jenessa and Danielle to take the lead.” Sister Greene sat her glass down and relaxed into her seat.

  Rebecca stopped dancing.

  “It has not been lost on me that you’re having marital problems. We don’t want to stand in the way of the time, and effort taken to get things on track after major life stress events.” Sister Greene said.

  The clock on the wall chimed and the refrigerator kicked on made several grinding noises, then the sound of ice being dropped echoed into the room.

  “I don’t want to sabbat.” Becca said.

  Jenessa looked at Dani and Rebecca with a raised eyebrow.

  “Is that even a word, Becca?” Dani shook her head.

  “I don’t know. But I do know I want to stay involved.” Becca folded her arms.

  “And you can. We don’t know anything about skating teams and what not so we’re going to need you as a consultant.” Jenessa smiled.

  “Whatever… consolation prize.” Becca mumbled something else under her breath.

  “We could always get consulting services volunteered by someone else.” Sister Greene cleared her throat.

  “You know she is right, Becca. Clearly God gave her insight into what is going on. Don’t be like that.” Dani said.

  “I said I’d take the consolation prize.” Rebecca smiled at Jenessa. “I’m aware that my priorities and way I dealt with things may have been a bit skewed. Colby, and I are going to talk with someone and making time to do more things together.”

  “Finally, the girl found some sense.” Jenessa chuckled with Sister Greene.

  Sister Greene pretended to wipe her brow as she stood up. “Glad that is over! Wasn’t sure how it was gonna go.”

  “Thank you again Dani and Jen
essa. I look forward to speaking with you soon. Call and make an appointment when you’ve completed your last rounds of chemo.” Sister Greene bent down and hugged each lady.

  ***

  Jenessa walked into the front door. Charles Jr. sat her suitcase down. The smell of lavender and mint wafted into her nostrils and propelled her towards the bathroom. She kneeled down onto the light green rug with purple spots, trying to hold down her meal as she rolled her eyes. God forgive her for thinking ill of the dead, but this was way too much girliness for Charles Sr. to be comfortable. He really did get more than he bargained for with Jocelyn. Her head throbbed at the knock on the door.

  “You alright in there?” Charles Sr. said.

  “Yes, the scent that hit my nose when I walked in kinda churned my stomach. I think it’s a plug in or candle or something. Please find it and turn it off. Please!” Jenessa hugged the wall and waited for the nausea to pass or complete its course.

  Jenessa finished in the bathroom. It took her several moments to wash up. She swished some mouthwash around in her mouth, and prayed for God to help her through the rest of her time at Charles’ house and her chemo therapy since her children were intent on making her stay with them at his home. They hated how close their rooms were to each other in her house. One night last week no one slept, and their teachers called home to ask if things were okay because Dominique was cranky and talked back to a teacher in class.

  Jenessa opened the door and took a quick sniff. A hint of lavender and mint lingered but the scent was almost gone. The trek to the couch seemed longer than she remembered, but these days everything took more energy to do. Thank God, it was the last round of chemo. The smells may not have been right but Jocelyn deserved an extra room in her mansion in heaven for choosing the sofa. It was all Jenessa could do to keep from falling asleep sitting up, to keep that from happening she lifted her feet up and allowed herself to doze off.

  The light smell of peppermint tickled Jenessa’s nose. Her eyes popped open and she smiled at Charles Sr.

  “Thank you, for the tea. I can’t believe you remember how much I like it.” Jenessa eased into a seated position.

  “I took your bag to the guest room. When you’re ready, I’ll be glad to help you up the stairs.” Charles Sr. smiled and sat the tea down on the end table next to Jenessa.