My True Essence Page 2

  “I want you to make an appointment to follow up with a specialist at Dr. Thompson’s office. Her name is Dr. Goodman. She is one of the best in her field and she’ll be able to give you a definitive diagnosis.” Dr. Justin handed her the slip of paper that fell to the floor.

  “Why do I need a second opinion for a couple of bruises? Just hook me up with some cream and I’ll be healed up and on my way. I’ve already purchased a protective shield so if I fall off Bubbles I won’t bruise like this again.” Dani chuckled.

  “Dr. Thompson is an oncologist. I found some rather odd lumps and the discoloration from the fall is not normal, Danielle. There is a high probability you have breast cancer and Dr. Goodman is the best diagnostic radiologist in the area. She’s part of an awesome team dedicated to nothing but breast cancer.” Dr. Justin stood up. “I could be incorrect and the tissue has just hardened from the bruising but I’d rather you get a second opinion. Give the note to the coordinator on the way out to make your appointment for Dr. Thompson’s office and a follow up appointment with me after you see them. Make it for no more than a month from now.”

  Dani felt her head bob up and down but couldn’t feel her legs moving beneath her. She was not old enough to have breast cancer. There was no history of it in her family and she stayed active. It did not make sense for her to need to see a breast cancer specialist. Her feet stopped in front of the coordinator’s desk and she handed the young woman the paper.

  The coordinator spoke but Dani couldn’t hear her voice. She nodded as she took two small cards from the college age young lady.

  “Ms. Wardeen, did you hear me?” The coordinator waved her hand in front of Dani’s face. “Are those times okay for your appointments?”

  Dani blinked and looked down at the dates and times on the cards. She was scheduled to see the radiologist three days later and Dr. Justin in four weeks. Dani nodded. “Can you see if they have something earlier or later? I have two clients around that time.”

  The coordinator nodded. Dani watched her type something on her keyboard. After a few moments the young lady pulled a new appointment card out and wrote the same day and a later time for Dani. “Does that work for you?”

  Dani nodded and smiled as she placed both cards in the top of her purse. Seventy two hours to dooms day. She shook her head. What was she worried about? There was no way she could have cancer.

  ***

  Dani doodled on the napkin and ignored the salad from her favorite chicken fast food restaurant. She drew multiple versions of a woman’s silhouette with and without large breasts. When her stomach growled loud enough for her to hear it she placed the pen on the napkin and picked up her sandwich. Her appetite was nowhere to be found but she wanted the growling to stop interrupting her thoughts.

  “Dani,” Becca click clacked up to her formica table and placed a small briefcase in the chair next to her. “It’s good to see you spending some of that hard earned money for a change. Thou shalt not shop online exclusively!”

  “I hear you.” Dani swallowed the bite of chicken and lump of tears lodged in her throat. As much as she needed someone to talk to, she couldn’t bring herself to lean on her friend. She’d been failed by women one time too many during vulnerable times in her past. “But as you can see I have no bags so it’ll be me and my budget minded browser making it happen.”

  “I just gotta show you the right spots once I get back from New York. My mom is talking about flying back to the Dominican Republic and I’m not trying to hear that noise. My aunt is dying from breast cancer and wants to see everyone before she goes. I have got to find a way to talk them into coming here instead.” Becca flopped down in the chair across from Dani. “Sounds like a problem to work my way through while getting a sixty minute deep tissue massage with Chandra, while she is knocking the kinks outs of my back.”

  Dani nodded and chewed fighting back tears. She hadn’t been able to lay on her stomach since the accident, and now that Dr. Thompson had confirmed she did in fact have breast cancer she wondered if she would ever be able to do anything the same again.

  “Dani, are you okay?” Becca shook her head and a few strands of her curly hair escaped the corporate bun she used at times to try to tame them. “Listen to me, rattling on like I’m the only woman in the world with problems.”

  “I’ll be fine, girl. I just need to get my bearings and put together a game plan. You know how I do.” Dani cleared her throat. There was no need to get upset until the doctor received the final results back from the lab. Until then she would go on with business as usual. No one had to know a thing.

  “Of course I do. Just remember life is a team sport and I’m on your team. I got your back. You know all of that good stuff.”Becca stood up and stretched. She picked up the briefcase in the chair between them. “You don’t have to be strong alone, Dani. Trust me, some stuff people shouldn’t go through alone. When we try to handle everything by ourselves it changes the essence of who we are, and not in a good way.”

  Dani stood up. She hugged Becca and pecked her on the cheek. “I hear you. Don’t worry, I’ll let you know when I need you.”

  Chapter Three

  Rebecca patted her hair and gave a brief smile to the woman staring back at her in the mirror. She was quite content with herself for not going to New York and for convincing her mom that they should return to Houston instead of going to their home country. Once she was able to get them to come, she knew they would stay. It was just a matter of convincing them again. She applied a light coat of lip gloss. “How will I ever get them to stay here?”

  The mirror stared back in silence as Rebecca shrugged and placed the gloss back in her purse. She covered the handle to the door with a paper towel as she exited the ladies restroom. It was located right outside of the health ministry office at her church. She ignored the nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach and the quiet voice telling her she had not compromised at all. The paper towel landed silently at the bottom of the waste basket next to her seat.

  “Rebecca Thorn,” a thin petite woman gestured for her to come into the office. “My name is Brenda Green. Please have a seat and tell me a little more about yourself and why you want to join the Breast Cancer Fundraising Committee.”

  “My aunt was recently diagnosed in the last state of breast cancer and I want to help raise awareness while I learn more about the disease. I bring a great background in events and fundraising from my time in New York. During my first marriage heading up committees and lending my husband’s name and money to worthy causes was what I was expected to do.” Rebecca straightened her spine and smiled at Brenda.

  “That is very commendable, and an experienced fundraiser is someone whose assistance we do desperately need. The event is almost about five months away so we are a bit behind the ball, and will require a good amount of your free time. Do you believe you’ll be able to give that?” Brenda looked at the beautiful engagement and wedding band set on Rebecca’s hand.

  “Oh yes, my husband and I run a successful marketing company but he knows how important this topic is to me with my aunt’s diagnosis of late. When I heard the announcement in church on Sunday I knew that helping with this event was where I needed to be.” Rebecca relaxed and then straightened up in her chair again. Colby would not be happy to hear about her joining a ministry that would require a lot of her time so soon into their marriage, but she decided he would have to adjust.

  “Great, well if you two are in agreement we would love to have you on board. I’ve looked over your profile and information. We’ll have an email sent out about the positions needing to be filled and everything coming up in the next few days.” Sister Greene rose to her feet. “Let’s go look at the information on the past fundraisers so you can get a feel for what we need.

  Rebecca smiled and stood to her feet. Colby would understand right? He would have to; she had already made the decision to proceed.

  ***

  “This is crazy, Ma. I don’t need
to learn how to give myself a breast exam. I know Nana and her sister passed from breast cancer but teenagers my age don’t get breast cancer.” Dominique rolled her eyes and shook her head before crossing her arms.

  “Yes they do. The youngest case of breast cancer was for a 10 year old.” Jenessa stared at her daughter’s crossed arms until she uncrossed them. “You are already at a higher risk because my mother had it. You can’t be too careful about this Dominique.”

  “Yeah, she was one out of millions of children. I’m more likely to get hit by lightning than have breast cancer this young. Sheesh, mom, get a grip.” Dominique flopped back in the chair across from her mother’s exam table.

  “I’ma get a grip on you if you don’t check that mouth of yours. Don’t think cause you have a few inches on me I can’t get you down. I’ll sit on you and it’ll be over.” Jenessa’s crossed ankles dangled inches from the ground. “I’m your mother not one of your little girlfriends in the street. You need to remember who you’re talking to Dominique Armstrong.”

  “Yes ma’am. It really helps that you remind me every few conversations.” Dominique gave her a sarcastic smile.

  Jenessa inched forward to get down from the exam table when the door opened. Dr. Justin walked in and smiled at Jenessa and then Dominique. Dominique’s entire demeanor changed when the handsome man turned to smile at her.

  “Good morning, Dominique. Alright Jenessa...” Dr. Justin sat down on the backless stool with three wheels. “Hopefully it won’t be so long before you’re next visit. Now all that is left to do is your breast exam.”

  “Yes, thanks for waiting for me to call my daughter in from the lobby. I want her to see how it is done. She needs to start giving the exams to herself soon.” Jenessa smiled at Dominique as if she hadn’t been ready to discipline her with a body slam and smash maneuver a few moments ago.

  “Absolutely and she is also able to get her mammograms earlier because of your family history. So, lay back for me and let’s begin. Dominique, come stand on the other side of your mother for me.” Dr. Justin pointed at the empty space at the opposite side of the exam table.

  Jenessa laid back and tried to relax. The years she had skipped her appointments she had not skipped any meals so she was a bit embarrassed about her weight gain. Dominique smiled at her. She relaxed a bit. Beneath the smart mouth and rolling eyes was the sweet little girl she’d loved for years.

  Dr. Justin motioned for Dominique to come close to see what he was doing. He raised both hands up over his head and motioned for Jenessa to do the same. He began the exam of the left breast and paused before switching to the right. He examined the right with no hesitance.

  “Jenessa, I need to reexamine your other breast again.”Dr. Justin reexamined the left breast. He offered Jenessa a hand to help her sit back up.

  “Jenessa are you okay continuing your visit with Dominique here or would you like to talk once she has gone back to the waiting area?” Dr. Justin pulled out his prescription pad and sat on the backless stool.

  “We can continue now. Teenagers move slowly. By the time we’re done talking she will still be in the hall.” Jenessa chuckled. She removed the top of the paper gown and put her button down top back on.

  “Well, I want you to go see Dr. Goodman for a full diagnostic workup. You’ve missed the last two mammograms scheduled and I found a nice sized lump in your left breast. Have you been experiencing any discomfort or pain?” Dr. Justin handed her the piece of paper he’d been writing on.

  “I…uh…lump?” Jenessa looked at her daughter briefly before looking at the floor. She knew she needed to take better care of herself. There was just never enough time. “Are you sure?”

  “Yes, I am. Please stop and make a follow up appointment and give this paper to the patient care coordinator. She’ll get you in this week.” Dr. Justin stood up and turned to Dominique. “Young lady, please make sure your mother goes to her follow up appointment. With your family history she cannot afford to cancel this one like she did the other ones.”

  “Yes, sir.” Dominique tore her eyes from the doctor and looked at Jenessa. “I’ll make sure she makes it to these.”

  “Good, your mom is busy. I know she forgot about those and had to cancel them for work meetings, but if you help her I’m sure this is an appointment she’ll make.” Dr. Justin turned and smiled at Jenessa. “No point making all of that money if you’re not gonna be here for the long haul to enjoy it. Make a follow up appointment with me after you see Dr. Goodman. Have a good afternoon, ladies.”

  Jenessa eased off of the exam table. Dominique opened the door for her and led her to the patient care coordinator. Jenessa handed the note she received from Dr. Justin to the young lady who smiled at her.

  “Ms. Armstrong, is Friday at 12:30 okay for you?” The young lady pushed her glasses up. “Ms. Armstrong?”

  Dominique nudged Jenessa with her elbow. She picked up her mother’s smartphone and checked the calendar. Jenessa took the device from her daughter. “Pardon me. My mind drifted. Yes, Friday will be fine.”

  Dominique took the phone back and entered the information for Jenessa, then accepted the appointment card from the young lady as well. Jenessa shook her head to clear her mind. They walked out into the sweltering Texas heat.

  “I want ice cream. Let’s stop on the way home. I need something to eat,” Dominique said.

  ***

  Dani plopped down in front of her computer. She wiggled the mouse and waited for the screen to light up. Air escaped her lungs and eased out of the small opening between her lips. She could not believe this had happened to her. A nightmare occurred when she went to the office and she believed she would wake up soon. Danielle refused to believe she wasn’t cancer free. She still had children to breastfeed, once she was married.

  The computer processor whirred as she pulled up the web browser. Her email inbox was full of unread messages that required her attention. The natural hair show that her stylists wanted to enter was coming up. What about the battered women’s shelter “pamper and prosper day”? She was partnered with the local women’s shelter to do that one. How could she be in cancer treatment and run a fully staffed and still thriving, recession proof spa? The bottom line was that she couldn’t. So she had to believe she had been misdiagnosed. She had to get online to find out why her breasts were so bruised and why they felt like lava all the time after and even right before her little spill from Bubbles? Maybe she needed to find a less dangerous and expensive hobby than her motorcycle.

  Dan tinkered around in her inbox for thirty minutes. Finally, her need for search engine intervention overshadowed the still small voice telling her not to lookup breast cancer. There were still no actual results from the lab. It could all be a misunderstanding. She was not buying it. The still small voice told her to trust Him and wait to speak with the doctor. That appointment was two weeks away. By that time she’d be bald from pulling out her hair, wondering what she may be up against.

  With no formal diagnosis she pulled up her homepage and entered her symptoms: bruises, raised skin, hot breasts and mild to extreme irritation for several weeks. Her eyes crossed for a second after she read the total number of links in her search results. She poured over the pages for hours upon hours. When the dull ache in her back turned into a throbbing pain she finally stopped and stood up to stretch.

  Instead of walking away from her desk, or checking to see if the last stylist locked up behind herself when she exited three hours ago, Dani continued to stare at the screen. Fear ran up and down her spine. Doubt and worry danced on her temples. This could not be happening. It didn’t matter if someone ran into the building right now. Based on what she’d read for hours, she could be a ticking time bomb. How had she let this happen? What game plan could she make for an unknown enemy? Not enough research, still in trial studies, rarest form of cancer and prevalent in younger women. Normally Dani liked being in the spotlight and loved being recognized for being unique. This was the
kind of recognition she would rather do without. Her obsessive need to know everything opened the door to her fears. Mentally tormented by the possibility of having the least researched and most aggressive form of breast cancer, thoughts weighed on Dani’s mind like a ton of bricks. The four simple words she typed were found in more than one hundred and eighteen thousand web sources. For once in her life, Dani was not sure this was a battle she would win.

  Chapter Four

  “Hey honey,” Colby pulled his tie off as he entered their bedroom. “Missed you at dinner tonight.”

  “There was another meeting for the ministry. I had to be there, Colby. You didn’t want me in New York, and I’m not going so stop with the questions.” Rebecca pulled her hair into a shower cap and pulled her robe tighter together before she tied it into a knot with the terry cloth belt.

  “You’re trippin. First you miss the dinner date you asked me to come to and now you’re telling me I should be happy to get stood up because you didn’t go to New York. That wasn’t my decision to make, remember? ” Colby placed his hands on his hips and mocked Rebecca’s tone of voice. “You don’t control me. I do what I wanna do.”

  “You’re not funny, Mr. Thorn. Stick to your day job.” Rebecca walked into their bathroom.

  “I’d rather stick to my wife except she is never home. Maybe I should join the ministry at church. Then at least I’d see you outside of work.” Colby stepped into the bathroom and gently took Rebecca’s hand in his.

  Tears welled up and sat right behind the ridge of Rebecca’s eye.

  “I just want to spend some time with my wife. What is so wrong with that? Don’t you want to be happy? Don’t you want to have a good marriage? Children? How can we do that if you’re never here, Becca. C’mon, you were the one who told me I was doing too much when we were engaged. Now you’re more busy than me.”

  “Colby, I have to do this. It’s just because we’re in the beginning phases of the event. Once things are moving along, we’ll be able to spend more time together. This is my way of building my aunt’s legacy and if I can talk my aunt and mom into staying and helping with the event she won’t go back to the Dominican Republic and leave me here by myself.”Rebecca shifted her weight from one foot to the other. “I need her Colby. I don’t know what I would do without her.”