My True Essence Read online

  “Why are you putting those on? We haven’t been together since my mother left.” Rebecca walked up to Colby and placed her hand inside his robe and tickled his shoulder blade.

  “Not tonight, Rebecca. We need to talk.” Colby sat down.

  “Are you cheating on me or something? Who refuses sex?” Rebecca said. She placed her hands on her hips.

  “I could say the same thing. You’re never home. You won’t talk to me and every time things get too serious, you wanna have sex.” Colby laughed. “If you just wanted someone to sleep with, you shouldn’t have married me.”

  “You’re being ridiculous. I can’t talk to you when you’re like this. Man up. I don’t need a therapist. I need a husband. I’ve had a rough week. Is it wrong to want to seek comfort from you? What is the problem? Most men would kill for a wife that doesn’t nag them and is always ready. You’re the problem. Not me, Mr. Thorn.” Rebecca rolled her eyes. She stormed over to the dresser and pulled out an oversized shirt.

  “Sex doesn’t solve problems, Becca, and it is not enough to keep a relationship strong. We used to pray together, go to church and talk to each other. You almost ran my best friend off and now that she is gone you’re acting like the only time I’m worth attention is when we’re in bed. I’m not that kind of man. I thought that is why you married me!” Colby stood up and paced the foot of the bed.

  “So, you’re going to call Toney and tell her what a horrible wife I am now that she has moved to Atlanta and moved on with her life. In case you hadn’t noticed she is about to marry someone else. You had your chance and missed it, buddy. Deal with it.” Rebecca laughed maniacally. “Too bad you didn’t tell me you were still feeling her before we got married could’ve saved us both a lot of time and me some serious heartache. “

  “You know I don’t want that girl. I just miss having a best friend since the one I’m living with has decided to quit without notice. I don’t want Toney you nut! I am in love with and want to spend time with you. You’re just too blind to see it.”Colby shook his head and ran his hand over his face.

  “You know what? You’re right. I’m nuts and you’re nuts if you think I’m gonna stand here another minute and continue this discussion. I’m going to sleep in the guest bedroom. Let me know when you’re ready to discuss your problems like an adult.” Rebecca slipped into her house shoes and stormed out of the room.

  “Yeah, I’m the immature one. God, you better get your girl. She is trippin.” Colby turned the lights off and plopped onto the bed. He laid back and folded his arms under his head then stared at the ceiling. How was he supposed to fall asleep now?

  ***

  Rebecca sighed as she packed the small suitcase full of her toiletries. The note she’d written lay on top of Colby’s pillow like a rose. She knew he would find nothing beautiful or lovely about the contents. Her leaving had nothing to do with wanting a divorce. She loved Colby. It had everything to do with her needing him to respect her and her never allowing another man to manipulate, control or hurt her again.

  Her heart beat a mile a minute as she rolled the luggage from their bedroom to the garage.

  Those who I have brought together let no man separate.

  Rebecca knew that voice. She longed most days to hear God’s voice. The sweet peaceful reassuring whisper of the Holy Spirit brought life and love after her first marriage, and joy in her storms. As tears streamed down her face and shame masked by indignation settled on her shoulders for the first time in a long time she ignored its warning. Technically they weren’t separated, she just needed a break. Colby would understand that, and if he didn’t…well he just had to.

  I have not given you a spirit of fear. Use your power, love and mind.

  All the months she prayed and now God wanted to show up and be chatty. She asked God to forgive her for having disrespectful thoughts about Him. How could she open herself up to the possibility Colby would never hurt her the way Antony did? Answers to her prayers about Colby, his temper and her safety flooded Rebecca’s mind. Mental snapshots of written prayers in journals, enough to publish three books flashed in her mind. God was reassuring her that Colby and Antony were not the same, but Rebecca refused to see or accept it.

  It was a month to month lease. She just needed a month to sort herself out. The gravity of losing her mother and aunt to the Dominican Republic, difficulty in recruiting volunteers for the fundraising event and pressures from work were all proving to be a bit much for her. Top it all off with the demands of her handsome, yet persistent new husband and Rebecca justified the need to move out for a few weeks to herself. Hadn’t her mother always told her to have a plan B? Rebecca closed the trunk on the luggage she’d piled in. Of course she did.

  ***

  Colby pulled up into the garage and sighed when he noticed Rebecca’s car was not there, again. He shook off the annoying feeling in the pit of his stomach. His plan to come home and have a peaceful, but serious discussion with her would have to wait until she came home. He wanted to talk to her about talking to someone at the church. Maybe it was for the best. After all, his idea of peaceful the last few days, had included more yelling and screaming than he knew he was capable of doing. The fear followed by anger that flashed in Rebecca’s eyes during their last discussion reminded him he needed to tread lightly. He loved his wife and didn’t want to cause her any reason to believe he was anything like her ex. He would never hit a woman.

  Colby gathered his belongings and exited the car. Entering the kitchen he entered the code for the alarm and placed his briefcase on the counter. He hadn’t expected the house to feel so empty. Something wasn’t right and he couldn’t ignore the feeling in the pit of his stomach anymore. He looked in the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of juice before going into his office.

  The first thing he noticed was how clean Rebecca’s desk was compared to his. Her ability to work in such an uncluttered environment was one of the things Colby liked about her. She made it a point not to touch anything on his desk because, while it looked a mess, everything on his jumbled workstation had significance in how it was placed as well. Colby released a breath he didn’t know he was holding. They worked so well together. He didn’t understand how the peace and unity they started with had begun to unravel so quickly. He opened the bottle of juice and took a sip.

  His cell phone beeped and he checked the message. Why were they calling him after hours? This was not a good time. When Rebecca left after lunch and didn’t return, he knew she was still upset. Maybe she needed to take some me time at Dani’s Den and would be home to smooth things out soon. Nodding and finishing the drink, he walked back into the kitchen and placed it in the recycling bin. The game he wanted to watch didn’t start for a few more hours and he needed to release the pressure and stress he’d been carrying all day. A quick run to the gym would do the trick.

  Opening the garage and checking his backseat he saw the bag and smiled. No need to run upstairs and change, he kept a fresh set of clothes in the bag. Colby closed the door. He wrote a quick note on the fridge’s dry erase board, telling Rebecca where he would be. Then he set the alarm and closed the door. An hour or two on the weights and some heavy cardio would do his heart a world of good.

  ***

  Colby smiled as he climbed up the stairs carrying his gym bag. Although his legs burned from his power session at the gym, he enjoyed talking to the trainer who also taught fitness classes at their church. The conversation distracted him from the issues he knew he needed to address when Rebecca finally made it in tonight. His head was clear and his heart conditioned for the task at hand. He emptied the contents of the gym bag into the hamper and paused when he saw the letter on his pillow. He recognized the envelope from the set of stationary that one of her friends gave them for a wedding gift. Although curiosity gnawed away at Colby to open the letter, the funk from his workout and the fear of what was inside overpowered him. So he opted to place his sweaty clothes in the hamper and shower first.

>   Colby finished in the bathroom in less than ten minutes. Wrapped in his towel he strolled out, sat down on the clean bed and picked up the note. The contents of it weighed heavy on his mind the entire time he’d showered. A glance at the clock on the dresser told him it was almost time for the game to start, and he hoped Rebecca would be home soon. The workout, prayer and shower had cleared his head and he wanted to apologize and reassure her he was not going to hurt or hit her, but that he just missed spending time with his wife.

  Lord help me love this woman, the way you intend.

  Finally, he began to read.

  My Dearest Colby,

  I don’t want a divorce but I do need some time to myself. I’ve rented an apartment in the high rise across from the office. Please don’t be upset or afraid. I’m just concerned about your anger issues and my safety. Not physically but emotionally and my independence. You don’t seem to understand what losing my aunt and mother mean to me. I don’t know how to explain it. Please pray for me I’m so confused right now. I love you

  Tu esposa,

  Becca

  PS I’ll call you this evening when I get settled. I have a little running around to do for the event. I’m not giving up on us. I just need a little time for me.

  Colby felt like someone had kicked him in the groin. He couldn’t understand how his wife could move out and then say she loved him. All those months of premarital counseling, books and couples they talked to in preparation for this and now she was talking about praying for her. She was definitely crazy. Despite the pain and the hole he felt was growing in his chest, he was still crazy about her. He let his head drop into his hands. Tears threatened to fall so he sat back up before he dropped to the floor onto his knees.

  Don’t look at the circumstances son; focus on the covenant you made with me.

  Colby absorbed the words he heard in his heart and tried to release the anger and disappointment trying to settle in his soul. He would focus on God tonight, but first thing tomorrow morning he was going to talk to Dani. If he couldn’t get through to his wife, maybe she could.

  Chapter Nine

  Dani tapped her foot and frowned. This was the second time in the last few months that one of her stylists’ clients had been left sitting for more than an hour because the woman was late. Resisting the urge to roll her eyes as the stylist walked in, Dani paused as the woman sat down in her chair. Dani nodded her head in the direction of the employee lounge over the woman’s wet hair.

  “Good morning, Dani. I apologize I had car trouble and it took longer than I thought for someone to come and fix it.” Trice smiled and glared at her customer in Dani’s seat.

  “We’ll talk about it later. Meanwhile go help out with shampoos. There are three customers waiting to be seated for station eight.” Danielle patted the woman’s hair.

  “I can finish Vonnie up. Fah real. Just give me a second to put my things down.” Trice let her arm fall to her side.

  “No thanks. Just help Shay out in the back. We’ll talk in detail later.” Dani felt her face turning red and felt her pulse accelerate. She hated firing people but it was clear Trice was going to have to go.

  “Fine, whatever, Dani.” Trice dropped her stuff in the empty seat at her station and walked to the shampoo area in the back.

  Colby walked in the door. Danielle smiled and waved him over.

  “Hey, Colby, wassup?” Danielle sprayed finishing spray on the woman’s hair.

  “I need you to talk to Rebecca, Danielle.” Colby said. “She moved out last night and I don’t know what’s going on in her head.”

  Dani almost dropped the gum she was chewing into the woman’s hair. She shook her head from side to side. “Stop playing.”

  “I wish I were. Her mother and aunt left last week, sooner than she expected, and since then she has been acting like it is her single mission in life to end breast cancer with this one event. Her work is even suffering at the firm.” Colby jingled his keys in his pocket.

  “Don’t worry, Colby. I know this looks crazy, but Becca loves you. She is a little out of control with the event but it’s coming from a good place in her heart. I’ll call her later and see where her head is at and tell her to get her butt back home with you.”

  “I appreciate it. How is the event going?” Colby said.

  “Not so good. The people I’ve brought in are the only ones cooperating and volunteering. Jenessa has some people interested too. It’s weird cause from what I hear this is one of the biggest things they do at the church but almost no one is offering to help. Foolishness, if you ask me. Hasn’t Becca talked to you about it?”Dani shook her head and frowned.

  Colby flopped down into the empty station next to Danielle. “No, I’ve been too busy trying to tell her to quit tripping or give it up to sit at home with me, to even ask how it was going. No wonder she is so upset. Do you know why no one has pitched in yet?”

  “That’s y’all church. You know I’m just visiting and hanging out cause I’m chipping in. It does seem like something weird is going on though, especially with the chick she has to work with. Seems like she can’t stand Becca, never agrees with her or backs her up. Hot mess if you ask me. One of the reasons I prefer small churches if I have to go at all. Mega ministries have too much drama.” Dani pointed Vonnie toward the front desk to pay and sat down.

  “I’m glad you have her back, and don’t be like that. All churches have issues.” Colby stood up. “Thanks Danielle. I’ll see her at the office but I try not to bring up personal stuff during the work day.”

  “I hear you boss man. I gotta blow dry my client waiting at the shampoo bowl. Don’t worry Becca will be home in a minute. This is more about her than you. Do what she says you do best. Pray.” Dani smiled as she waved goodbye.

  “You let me know if your girl doesn’t go home. Shoot, fine as that brotha is, if she don’t want him. I do.” The client licked her lips and smiled as Dani turned her around and shook her head. She would have to talk to Rebecca soon, Houston was too small and women were too trifling for her to be moved out for long.

  Chapter Ten

  Becca bit back tears as she stared down at the signup sheet for artists, models, and vendors. Not one name listed. Each person she attempted to approach politely, sometimes not, declined to speak with her regarding the show. Was it because she was married to Colby? It was true he had been an eligible bachelor at the church for years, and many of the women may have been upset because she was not African American but, this was ridiculous. Were they boycotting one of the churches largest events because of prejudice? No that was too much. There had to be another reason.

  Ms. Green walked into the room and sat down in the chair next to Becca. “I’m a bit concerned with the lack of participation, Becca? Would you like to step down as chair and let Vichonda take over?”

  “I don’t know what is wrong, Sister Green. I have lots of support from everyone I contact outside of the church. With a little more time I believe we can get the rest of the congregation on board. It’s possible the economy has people a bit concerned about offering more than they can afford to take on.” Rebecca tapped her pen she on the paper.

  “That is true. I’ll talk to Vichonda and the elders about reducing the cost for vendors and getting an announcement placed on the list for Sunday. You’re doing a fabulous job with everything else I’m not sure why people aren’t responding.” Sister Green stood up. “I’m sure it will all work out.”

  Rebecca sighed and looked at the ceiling. The tears she held in began free falling down her cheeks and her shoulders began to shake. A reason for the opposition she was experiencing escaped her. This was not the abundant life her Bible promised. At no point in her studies had she ran across the lines about problems being married to a great guy, sabotage and opposition when helping others, unexplained attitudes from fellow believers. No, this was not acceptable. Her phone rang. Without looking at the caller ID she pressed talk.

  “Good evening, Mrs.
Thorn. How are you?” Colby said.

  His voice sounded so …tired, guilt rested on her shoulders.

  “Rebecca Thorn. I know you’re there, I can hear you breathing. Talk to me.”

  “Not a good time, Mr. Thorn. Let’s talk at work tomorrow. Lunch.” Rebecca wiped the tears from her eyes and the dried tracks from her face.

  “Too many meetings, still working out the details of the FA Square account.” Colby sighed. “Dinner, early dinner.”

  “I have a meeting with Jenessa and Dani about the event. I’ll come after that. Let’s say 8pm at CommuniTea Spirit.” Rebecca smiled as she remembered their first time at their favorite hangout.

  “Okay, tomorrow. 8PM CommuniTea Spirit.” Colby said. “I love you, Mrs. Thorn.”

  “I love you too.” Becca pressed the end icon on her smartphone.

  ***

  Colby stared down at his wrist. He played with the social networking app on his smartphone and pulled up the messaging app icon. No messages or missed calls. He lowered his head into his hands.

  Lord, please let her be okay. I know you brought us together, show me how to be the husband you desire me to be for her. In Jesus name, amen.

  He looked at his wrist again. Colby placed a five dollar bill on the table and rose from his seat. No one could have told him his wife would be so thoughtless or distracted that he would be stood up. In the best case scenario, she forgot or something came up. In the worst case scenario, she was hurt. Either way he didn’t know. His stomach formed a pretzel as he walked to the car. He touched the phone carrier every few moments to make sure it was still there. The beeping from an unread email message let him know it was still on. Rebecca wouldn’t send him an email if she were late. The prayers he lifted to heaven on the way home from the teahouse kept anger and mistrust from attaching to him.

  ***

  Jenessa held her side as she laughed. Dani and Becca collided into each other as their shoulders shook with giggles. The online video stopped but they were unable to stop chuckling as they righted themselves in their seats. Dani was first to catch her breath fully. She laid her head back on the wall.