My True Essence Read online

  ***

  Becca smiled as she walked to the door. In the short time she’d moved out one thing was sure, she missed her husband. Her phone rang as she reached the door. She looked through the peephole and opened it.

  “You look great, baby.” Colby said.

  “Thanks, you don’t look too bad yourself,” Becca said. “Want something to drink?”

  “Sure.” Colby smiled.

  “I apologize about the other night. Dani and Jenessa dropped a bomb on me and I lost track of time.” Becca walked into the kitchen.

  “We’re newlyweds, Becca. We should be losing track of time in each other.” Colby said.

  “Look, I’m trying Colby. I don’t want a divorce and I apologize for everything, but I know God wanted me to do this event. This problem is serious and more prevalent than ever so we need to do something about it. Jenessa and Dani are about to enter treatment.” Becca handed her husband a bottle of cranapple juice.

  “Treatment?”

  “They both have breast cancer, triple negative to be specific. Dani’s is some weird type I didn’t even know existed. Please bear with me. I won’t do anything else for six months after this project is over. And I’m going to talk to a counselor about my trust issues. Just be patient with me, baby. I love you…and-”

  The phone gave three short rings.

  “That’s my mother. They admitted my aunt to the hospital last week so I need to get that.” Becca stared at Colby.

  “I don’t have anywhere else to be.” Colby walked into the living room and sat down on the loveseat.

  “Hello,” Becca said. “What? When? Why didn’t you call me? Please don’t cry. Okay…he is here right now. I’m not but I’ll call you later. Love you, mami.”

  “Everything ok?” Colby placed the empty bottle on the counter.

  Becca looked at him and wondered how he reached her so quickly.

  “Talk to me Becca.” Colby handed her a napkin from the holder on the counter.

  “My aunt passed away. They had her service today.”

  “What?” Colby sat down at the table and pulled her into his lap. “I’m so sorry, baby. I know how much she meant to you. Let’s dedicate the fashion show to your aunt. You know she would love that.”

  “She told my mother not to call me because she was scared it would break up our marriage.” Becca looked into Colby’s eyes.

  “Huh?” Colby rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.

  “If I went there while I was upset with you she thinks I would have never come home. She knew she was dying the whole time. This is her third not second bout with cancer, and it wasn’t just in her breast. It spread everywhere. She just didn’t tell us about the other two times.” Becca laid her head on his shoulder.

  “Your aunt loved you very much Becca. You said she was pivotal in praying for you and covering you while you were with Antony. Didn’t she recommend the lawyer who led you to Christ?”Colby rested his hand on her hip.

  “I don’t know what would make her think I wouldn’t come back here. I love my life here.” Becca let the tears fall onto her husband’s shoulder.

  “If she passed last week, then that would have been when you moved out. Maybe she was concerned you would do something hasty when the anger and grief mixed. Those are powerful emotions, Becca.” Colby kissed her forehead.

  “I guess.” Rebecca kissed Colby on the neck and ear. “Funny, I was thinking about how much I missed you before you came.”

  “I miss you too.” Colby moaned as Rebecca applied pressure to a sensitive area between his neck and shoulder. “Becca…”

  Rebecca sat up and moved the leg next to Colby’s abs to the opposite side of his hips. She covered his mouth with her lips before he could speak. Her waist felt cold so she placed his arms around her and pulled him to her by clasping her fingers at the nape of his neck. The sadness she felt attempting to engulf her was overpowered by the desire to be with her husband.

  Colby eased Rebecca off of his lap without breaking their kiss. They inched passed the living room and Becca led him to her bedroom. She turned Colby around so his back was facing the bed. With a gentle hop, she wrapped her legs around his waist as he sat down on the bed. He circled her waist with his arms. The warmth of his arms eased the pain around her heart. In one quick smooth movement she eased him down onto the bed, unfolding her legs and positioning her knees by Colby’s hips.

  “I love you, Becca.” Colby whispered into her ear before kissing the tears on her cheeks.

  “Show me.” Becca devoured his lips again and tried to stop crying.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “I’m glad to hear that we have more volunteers and vendors signed up even though I don’t recognize any of the names. Are all of these people from outside of the church?” Sister Greene looked over the list.

  “Yes ma’am they are business and social contacts connected to Dani, Jenessa and myself.” Becca wrung her hands.

  “This is one of the biggest events of the year. We normally have two hundred percent more cooperation from the congregation.” Sister Greene tapped her pen on the table.

  “Well, I’ll see if I can find some time to reach out to the members. Maybe that will help turn the numbers around.” Vichonda smiled at Sister Greene and shot an accusatory glance at Becca.

  “Numbers aren’t important to me, Vichonda. The budget is more than covered with the deposits and full booth payments we’ve collected from the sponsors and vendors we have now. I’m amazed by how effective you three ladies have been. It may be the most we’ve ever done by this point. We still haven’t even announced it to the members. Y’all are like the modern day three hundred.” Sister Greene gave a sincere smile to Jenessa and Danielle.

  “We’re very committed to the cause.” Jenessa smiled back.

  “Before you speak with anyone, Vichonda, I’d like to meet with you and Rebecca. Please email my admin and let her know your availability.” Sister Greene stood up. “I’ll see everyone at the next meeting. Good night, ladies.”

  Vichonda smiled until Sister Greene exited from the room. “I hope you have some more friends because unless she gives me your seat, you can bet on running into the same problems with getting members to help with the event this year.”

  “Vichonda, if that is your last bit of business regarding the event, I’ll talk to you when we meet with Sister Greene.” Becca sized her up and smiled. “I’ll take your silence as a no, so please excuse yourself so we can finish working.”

  Jenessa and Dani exchanged glances.

  Vichonda shrugged, rolled her eyes, and stood up. She opened her mouth, and then clamped it shut and stormed out of the room.

  Rebecca, Dani and Jenessa looked at each other and burst out laughing.

  “We need to stop it y’all. This is so juvenile.” Dani smiled.

  “Whatever, she started it and I don’t even know why. She needs psychiatric help.” Becca shook her head and opened the folder.

  “I think she’s mad you’re married to Colby.” Jenessa said.

  “He doesn’t even know her.” Becca chuckled as she handed them each a piece of paper.

  “We saw them together at CommuniTea.” Danielle looked at the paper.

  “When was this?” Rebecca said.

  “Before you called to tell us your aunt died.” Jenessa pulled a pen out of her bag.

  “Well, I’m sure there is a perfectly good explanation for it. Let’s go over these numbers and talk about implementing the social media coverage for the event.” Becca smiled and looked down at her paper.

  ***

  “So when were you going to tell me that you met with Vichonda before you came over?” Becca stormed into the kitchen and threw her keys down on the table.

  “What are you talking about, Becca?” Colby put the book down he was reading.

  “I had to hear from Jenessa and Danielle that you’re having dinner and cavorting with the enemy. How can I trust you when you’re talking with
the one other person in the world besides you who wants this event to fail? Are you the one telling people not to work with us for the event this year?” Becca’s hand flew to mouth.

  “Have you been drinking?” Colby stood up.

  “No, but you have met with Vichonda and at our spot.” Becca sighed. “It all makes sense now. Is she the chick you were dating before we got together?”

  “NO!” Colby threw his hands up in the air.

  “So go on a date with her and then come and spend the night with me? How is that supposed to make me feel, Colby?” Rebecca said.

  “I came to talk. You were the one who put the moves on me after your mother called. You probably wanted to feel better…the way you always do when something is wrong. For the record, sex doesn’t solve problems. If it did you wouldn’t be sitting here accusing me of …I don’t even know what.”

  “Sabotage, Colby, and emotional adultery. I didn’t make time for you so you turned to some random church rat. Tell me I’m wrong.” Becca crossed her arms.

  “Church rat?” Colby shook his head. “You’re soo wrong.”

  “You know what a church rat is…a saved chicken head.”

  “Who taught you that, Dani?” Colby chuckled and sat down. “This is ridiculous. If you don’t trust me why did you make love to me the other night?”

  “I love you, Colby, and I needed you. Are you serious? My aunt just died and my mother is gone. What else was I supposed to do?” Becca sat across from him and refolded her arms.

  “Talk to me. Pray with me but stop treating me like a sex for healing wind up doll.” Colby leaned his elbows onto the table and placed his hands on top of his head. “Some men might think this is a good problem to have but I have to be more than that to you, Becca.”

  “Don’t change the subject, what were you doing there with her? How do you know her? Why didn’t I know it?” Becca placed her forearms on the table and leaned towards Colby.

  “She called me out of the blue and asked me to meet her to talk about the event. We used to serve on the single ministry a long time ago. I didn’t realize she is who you were talking about giving you problems, she went by some childhood nickname when I was cool with her.” Colby rubbed his temples.

  “Did she like you or something? Why is she blocking and hating on me with the event?”Becca said.

  “No, she was crazy in love with Rajj before he met Toney. I didn’t even know she knew my name or that we were married. She said you gave her and Sister Greene my info as an emergency contact.” Colby said.

  Rebecca rolled her eyes and sat back in her chair.

  “What? You don’t believe me?” Colby looked at the ceiling. “Are you for real?”

  “I don’t know Colby. This just a little too much drama. I need to go clear my head.” Becca stood up.

  “So you’re not coming home? What about the other night? Rebecca you know I would never cheat on you. I don’t want anyone else.” Colby stood up and walked over to her.

  “I know.”

  “Come home.” Colby pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

  “I have to go. This isn’t helping, remember?” Rebecca placed her hand on his chest and noticed the light bouncing from her wedding rings. “I’ll call you when I make it home.”

  “You’re already home. Call me when you reach the apartment.” Colby walked her to the door.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Danielle and Jenessa looked at each other and smiled. Jenessa eased down into Dani’s passenger seat.

  “This is the part I don’t understand. I’m so tired, but you’re bouncing around. I know it isn’t an age thing so what gives?” Jenessa attempted a smile.

  “I arranged for the alternative specialist to meet with Dr. Thompson and for them to put together an alternative treatment for me that includes vitamins, supplements and other things to help me through the process. I was two steps away from trying to beat this thing with all natural remedies, but I prayed about it and God didn’t tell me to go that way.” Dani stood up and closed Jenessa’s door.

  “You’re all natural and hybridy with everything how did you even end up with cancer? You’re the first stylist I’ve ever met who stopped doing relaxers and does only natural hair.” Jenessa laid her head back on the headrest.

  Dani turned the key in the ignition and pulled out of the parking space. “I slowly transitioned into a more sustainable lifestyle. Color, cuts and relaxers used to be my specialty. I stopped trying to figure out how and am trying to focus on getting through this treatment with my sanity. I don’t want to be bald as an eagle and flat chested…I already don’t have a booty, if I lose my breast I’ll look like a teenage boy.”

  “That’s silly Danielle. You’re beautiful with or without a D cup.” Jenessa eyed Danielle’s chest area. “C and a half whatever it is doesn’t define who you are or give you your femininity.”

  “It’s a full D thank you and it might not define it, but it’s important to me. I still want to breast feed my children, have my husband look at me with lust in his eyes and rip my lacy bra and matching panties off. I don’t need scar tissue and lopsided nipples to greet him when he does.” Danielle looked both ways and pulled onto the empty street.

  “Breastfeeding is great, but bottle feeding is sufficient. Don’t be so dramatic about being mutilated. That is no longer a definitive. You have options, doctors in reconstructive surgery have made unimaginable technological advances.” Jenessa yawned and raised a weak finger towards a fast food drive through. “You can’t tell they cut on me can you? They caught it early enough to do a lumpectomy and an SNB. Next is chemo, and if needed radiation... So it really isn’t as bad as all that. Get me a salad and water please.”

  “Wait you had your surgery and new boobs put in already? How?” Danielle signaled and waited in the turning lane. “Are you gonna be okay to eat it? You don’t get nauseous?”

  “They removed the lump so I still have my breast.” Jenessa said. “Depends, on my bad days, yeah, but I feel okay today. I don’t do it immediately, though. It hits me in the middle of the night when there is no one to help me back to my room. I’ve fallen asleep leaning on my toilet more than I care to admit.”

  “Oh Jenessa, are the kids still upset with you? Don’t worry. They’ll come around. You can understand why they left though right? You scared them and they can’t imagine life without you.” Dani turned into the restaurant’s drive way.

  “That doesn’t make any sense that they were so scared of losing me they moved in with their father.” Jenessa sat up.

  “Have you missed your visitation weekend? Don’t you appreciate the time you have with them more now? Has a day gone by when you don’t talk to them on the phone? I think they are getting exactly what they wanted, your undivided Mommy attention.” Dani smiled as she inched forward in line.

  “You sound like my ex husband. This whole experience has made me look at some things and I really messed up. I loved that man and the truth is part of me still does.” Jenessa shook her head. “Too bad you can’t go home again.”

  “Of course you can. The beauty of your union comes home every other weekend and it will come home for good again soon. Just focus on beating this thing while they are living with their father. This could have all been a blessing in disguise. They said chemo could be a traumatic experience, it may have been more than they could handle.” Dani pulled forward a few inches.

  “Now, that would have sounded good a few weeks ago if that weren’t the reason they decided to move in with their father in the first place. I have two amazing kids who I taught to be able to handle anything with God’s help,” Jenessa made air quotes, “then I treated them like I didn’t think they could do it. Just like we did, Becca.”

  “Well, God can still get the glory from all of this. I believe He will. The truth has to set us free. If not I don’t know what I’ll do. Losing my breasts, hair and health for nothing doesn’t line up with anything I’ve read in the word. Granted I’m not the mos
t spiritual chic, but I know God has to have a purpose and reason behind all of this.” Danielle struggled to keep her voice from cracking. “He just has to.”

  ***

  “I cannot believe this.” Becca said. She looked at Sister Greene first and then at Vichonda. “Are you crazy? First you tell everyone you know in the church not to work with me, and then you come after my husband. What is wrong with you?”

  “Calm down Becca, those are some weighty accusations to make against Vichonda. Is it possible that you took on too much with this event? You have a demanding job and a new marriage. It’s understandable if you need to step down to regroup. With the corporate sponsors and your volunteers still in place, if Vichonda took over as event chair today, you would still be recognized for all of your efforts.” Sister Greene patted Rebecca’s hand and nodded.

  “I don’t need time to regroup. I’m grouped just fine. What I need is someone with some discernment and ability to see when they are being played. You don’t find it odd that no one from the church, who has participated in years past has signed up. Vichonda is the only person with access to their information.” Becca stood up and gathered her belongings. “You know what Sister Greene? You were right about one thing. I don’t have time for this foolishness. My aunt just passed from her third bout with cancer and two of my closest friends are both battling breast cancer right now. My husband and those who know me understand how important giving back through this event is to me, but if your only resource for information is Vichonda then you are welcome to use her. Unlike Ms. Vichonda I will not notify my sponsors of this ridiculous situation, because this is not about me it’s about raising awareness about breast cancer.”

  Sister Greene’s eyes opened to capacity.

  Vichonda smirked, but let the evil look fall from her face as Sister Greene turned her gaze to her.

  “If there is nothing further I hope God will bless you both and you have a good day.” Becca turned to walk out then paused before exiting the door. “Sister Greene you let me know what you decide. I’ll continue to do everything I’ve been doing to make this event a success for the cause, while you make your decision. I hope God is one of the people you consult with before you do anything further.”

  Becca made her way to her car without further thought to the drama from the event. She threw her things in the back seat and climbed into the driver’s seat. Once buckled in she released a scream she hoped wouldn’t cause anyone else in the parking lot to come running. As she turned the key in the ignition, her phone notification tone beeped.